i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
