No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Randomize
