I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
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