three words: i give head
three words: not that well
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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