If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Randomize
