Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
