my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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