She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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