I'm jealous of your bromance
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
