he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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