Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
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