well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I will be naked everywhere
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
