Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
