the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
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