Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
