You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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