I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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