We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
