and my herpes radar will keep us safe
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
