I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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