Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
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