I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
