I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
