This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
