i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
he was CRYING into my vagina
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
