wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
