I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
