I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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