Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Randomize
