Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
