I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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