Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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