i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Randomize
