And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Randomize
