why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
