i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
