I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I AM VODKA MAN
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
