her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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