Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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