Pregnant stripper...not hot.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
