I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I deserve this hangover.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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