the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
