We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I could fuck to npr.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
