just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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