Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
