it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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