i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
