I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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