Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
