If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
