when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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