Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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