Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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