In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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