Duck Duck Cougar?
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Is it penis luge time yet?
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Randomize
