I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
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