and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize