hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Never joke about your clitoris.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
