Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize