So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Randomize
