i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I feel like a drive thru vagina
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
