operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
