I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
you are never too drunk for berry picking
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
