at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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