There is no way he is gay with that hair.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
