You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Quick, to the slutcave!
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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