I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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